Safety Warning. Not for use as a stroller. May contain parts. Manufactured in a facility where one or more of the following may be present: Peanuts, almonds, unfiltered water, oxygen, ultaviolet and infrared radiation, sunlight. Use only as directed by your legal counsel. Do not use during earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, flooding or presidential election years. Use of handles may promote RSI, see your doctor or therapist before opening. May be flammable when exposed to open flame. Not for use as a stepping stool or adult seat. May cause injury if dropped from a height. Does not enable user to fly. Do not eat.
If erection lasts for over 4 hours call friends and brag. Persons attempting to find a motive in this blog will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. We don't need no stinkin' badges.
Same-day service.
Unplug after use.
Slippery when wet.
Ignore this notice.
Use only as directed.
Consume in moderation.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Your mileage may vary.
For external use only.
Don't try this at home.
No purchase is necessary.
You must be present to win.
Do not think of an elephant.
Other restrictions may apply.
Apply only to affected areas.
Part of a daily balanced diet.
No shirt, no shoes, no service.
You need not be present to win.
No user-serviceable parts inside.
Do not exceed recommended dosage.
Offer void where prohibited by law.
Do not remove under penalty of law.
You have the right to remain silent.
If swallowed, do not induce vomiting.
Valid only at participating locations.
Freshest if used before date specified.
Prices subject to change without notice.
Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate.
Contents may have settled during shipment.
Caution! The edge is closer than you think.
In emergency, break glass, pull down handle.
Product is sold by weight and not by volume.
Do not use if safety seal is torn or missing.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
Detach and include upper portion with payment.
Nutritional need is not established in humans.
Objects on screen are closer than they appear.
Satisfaction guaranteed; return for full refund.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
May be used as flotation device in case of emergency.
Please note locations of emergency exits upon arrival.
No animals were harmed in the production of this page.
Caution: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
Please leave as clean on leaving as you would like to find on entering.
Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Do not use if you have ever had an allergic reaction to this product or any of its ingredients.
WARNING
Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs.
The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogsphere, ISP?s or other features, natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on the Web. E-commerce is not the mall. It can be, and is, steep, slippery and dangerous. Web features made or enhanced by humans, such as firewalls and spam filters (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. The web is unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.
Stay on trusted sites whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and an APU at all times.
Ads for things you don't want and other objectionable content can arrive from nowhere. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people around you that are being used as bots. Spam and disgusting images of all sizes, including huge images, can arrive, or pop-up with no warning. Use of spam filters is advised for anyone approaching the Internet. They can be purchased or rented from us. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on a port you left open. A whole DOS attack might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.
Public opinion can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra damage control, including press releases. Ticking off the blogsphere can kill you. The Streisand effect can turn a simple nastygram into a deathtrap.
If you make hasty comments about those in high places (making unsupported comments that reduce the image of a person, often posted quickly and without thinking) without proper thought and, or allow your employees to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be sued for libel. It happens all the time.
We do not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people on the web, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly malware and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.
If you surf at work, you may become pre-occupied with it. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, surfing at work is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, surf at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not track how much time you surf at work (although we could if we wanted to.) As far as we know, your employer may find out and send you plunging to unemployment. There are countless tons of loose management staff ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the Web, and elsewhere on the Internet. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don't expect us to try to warn you. You're on your own.
Rescue services are not provided by us, and may not be available quickly or at all. Local computer geeks may not be equipped for or trained in hard drive recovery. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to get rid of a virus or find that deleted file, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes your local computer store. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.
By entering our site, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THIS SITE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!
Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
Warning: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
Caution: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles per Hour.
Consumer Notice: Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
Advisory: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Known as 'Tunneling,' This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
Read This Before Opening Package: According to Certain Suggested Versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting This Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
This is a 100% Matter product: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
Public Notice as Required by Law: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
Note: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a 'Gluing' Force About Which Little Is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
Attention: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer Is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are 'Rolled Up' into Such a Small 'Area' That They Cannot Be Detected.
Please Note: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
Component equivalency notice: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
Health Warning: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
So update your bookmarks, subscribe to the new feeds, fax the cat, twitter the neighbors,
because there ain't nothing new happening here, and whenever I get around to it, it'll be GONE.
A: Mostly I straddle reality and the imagination. My reality needs imagination
like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs
a cane. Math is hard. Reading a map. Following orders. Carpentry. Electronics.
Plumbing. Remembering things correctly. Straight lines. Sheet rock. Finding a
safety pin. Patience with others. Ordering in Chinese. Stereo instructions in
German.
Q: What's wrong with the world?
A: We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with
knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness.
Leona Helmsley's dog made 12 million last year... and Dean McLaine, a farmer in
Ohio made $30,000. It's just a gigantic version of the madness that grows in
every one of our brains. We are monkeys with money and guns."
"...David Byrne's booking agent at William Morris Agency, Mark
Geiger, has been soliciting offers from a number of different promoters around
the United States for Byrne/Eno live shows, promising the set list will consist
of at least 40% Eno-era Talking Heads material.No word yet on if he's had any
takers. Most of the tour is already booked."
When you turn on the radio, you might think music all sounds the
same these days, then wonder if you're just getting old. But you're right, it
does all sound the same. Every element of the recording process, from the first
takes to the final tweaks, has been evolved with one simple aim: control. And
that control often lies in the hands of a record company desperate to get their
song on the radio. So they'll encourage a controlled recording environment
(slow, high-tech and using malleable digital effects). Every finished track is
then coated in a thick layer of audio polish before being market-tested and
despatched to a radio station, where further layers of polish are applied until
the original recording is barely visible. That's how you make a mainstream radio
hit, and that's what record labels want.
.....
"When old-school producers and engineers talk about modern music,
they're convinced that better recorded music would save the music industry from
itself. Producer Joe Boyd wrote of the Buena Vista Social Club album (4m copies
worldwide): "It's success is usually ascribed to the film or the brilliant
marketing. But I am convinced that the sound of the record was equally if not
more important." Beautifully recorded records by Norah Jones, Bob Dylan and
others have certainly shifted units. But the Red Hot Chilli Peppers' brutally
mastered Californication has sold 15m copies worldwide.
Why does most music sound the same these days? Because record companies are
scared, they don't want to take risks, and they're doing the best they can to
generate mainstream radio hits. That is their job, after all. And as the skies
continue to darken over the poor benighted business of selling music, labels are
going to cling to what they know more fiercely than ever.
So is that is? Have we arrived? Will records continue to increase in loudness
and homogeneity until literally everything sounds like Californication?
Optimistic engineers dream of a day when the world's music listeners
spontaneously rebel against over-processed music. The Loudness War will end and
people will stop buying Black Eyed Peas records. A new era of high-fidelity
recording will be born, and men in white coats will once again stride
confidently through acoustically-lively studios placing their vintage
microphones with care"
" Sunday Night, later named Michelob Presents Night
Music, was an NBC late-night television show which
aired for two seasons between 1988 and 1990 as a showcase for jazz and
eclectic musical artists. ... " (Quote from the Wikipedia entry.)
"A revelation to music
fans, this show appeared and disappeared with little fanfare, being
light-years ahead of the bulk of it's audience in style and substance.
Every possible realm of music was boldly explored...from minimalist
art-noise to traditional folk styles and everything beyond and
in-between. Absolute genius, a marvelously noncommercial experiment that
was doomed to failure despite itself. ..." (Quote from user comment at the IMDb entry
for 'Sunday Night')"
"To cynics and music-industry veterans, this very premise is
laughable: an appointment with Sly Stone. Yeah, right. For 20-odd years,
Stone has been one of music's great recluses, likened in the press to J.
D. Salinger and Howard Hughes. And in the years before he slipped away,
he was notorious for not showing up even when he said he would. Missed
concerts, rioting crowds, irritated promoters, drug problems, band
tensions, burned bridges.
But in his prime, Stone was a fantastic musician, performer, bandleader,
producer, and songwriter. Even today, his life-affirming hits from the
late 60s and early 70s-among them "Stand!," "Everyday People," and
"Family Affair"-continue to thrive on the radio, magically adaptable to
any number of programming formats: pop, rock, soul, funk, lite. He was a
black man and emphatically so, with the most luxuriant Afro and riveted
leather jumpsuits known to Christendom, but he was also a
pan-culturalist who moved easily among all races and knew no genre
boundaries. There was probably no more Woodstockian moment at Woodstock
than when he and the Family Stone, his multi-racial, four-man, two-woman
band, took control of the festival in the wee hours of August 17, 1969,
getting upwards of 400,000 people pulsing in unison to an extended
version of "I Want to Take You Higher." For one early morning, at least,
the idea of "getting higher" wasn't an empty pop-culture construct or a
stoner joke, but a matter of transcendence. This man had
power."
I suspect Russian pop-star Vitas is going to be making an appearance in my future nightmares. If I could put my
finger on why he creeps me out while David Bowie doesn't I think I'd be on to
something.
